his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
