I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize