moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
