i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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