I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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