woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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