How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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