How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
