Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
