I have demons in me.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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