i would punch a child for taco bell
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
