I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
