You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
