Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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