I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
