And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
