walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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