WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
