how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
