i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
