I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
