my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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