she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
