How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
