i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
