Pappa wants mamma naked
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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