Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I pour the whiskey from now on
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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