Sponge bath it is.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize