I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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