He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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