whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
