so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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