We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
