somebody snuck up and got me drunk
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
