I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
