I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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