how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
