you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You were trust falling into bushes
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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