Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
