if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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