I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
