I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
