Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
