I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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