I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
