Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
