U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
