Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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