i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
