haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Floor bacon is actually really good
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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