youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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