textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
