God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
