My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
