you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
