Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
