Barsexuality is the new black.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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