her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
