so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
