i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
