i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
