Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
