In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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