I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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