I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
i black out too much to be "responsible"
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
