she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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