I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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