so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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