i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
