this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
