I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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